I'm Tired

Sometimes I’m just tired.

Not necessarily sad. Not giving up. Not having some deep emotional crisis that needs to be fixed. I’m simply tired.

And disability can create a kind of tired that sleep doesn’t always solve.

You can be tired from your body working harder to do things other people never have to think about. Tired from planning how you’re going to get somewhere, whether the place is accessible, what you’ll need once you get there, and what happens if something doesn’t go according to plan. Tired from asking for help. Tired from explaining what you need. Tired from figuring out another workaround because the easier way isn’t available to you.

Sometimes I’m even tired of adapting.

That doesn’t mean I regret my life or that I’ve stopped appreciating the things I can do. Both things can be true. I can be grateful for the life I have built and still admit that maintaining it takes a lot out of me.

I think we sometimes treat tiredness like something that needs an inspirational ending. Keep pushing. Stay strong. You’ve got this.

But every feeling doesn’t need to become a motivational speech.

Sometimes the healthiest thing I can say is: I’m tired, and today I’m going to REST.

Rest isn’t quitting. And I shouldn’t have to completely run myself into the ground before I’m allowed to need it.

That’s my Trell Talk for today. Thanks for reading.